Odysseus had a mission to return to his wife and son after being imprisoned and for the most part he had to make his own way. He met many different characters; some extras and some main contributors to the story, I would think and I am also certain that this occurrence is essentially the same for everyone. We all have goals and desires. We all have things we believe that we should be doing with our lives. The problem is figuring out what it is that you should be doing and where you should be headed. Your every waking breath is a mission statement. It tells everyone how seriously you take your life calling and how desirous you are of reaching your goals.
As a teenager, I also feel as though I am on a journey of some sort. Everybody is, but these are my more definitive years. This is where I’m supposed to create who I am and figure out where I’m going to go in my lifetime. I’ve always felt pulled in a million different directions by a million different people, however. It’s hard to see where my opinions rank against everyone else’s. I suppose that’s my screw-up. But that isn’t going to happen anymore because I’m coming up with a game plan. I’m coming up with a course of action. I will do something to figure this out; no more sitting on the sidelines indecisively and going along with whatever I’m told.
In order to find my place I feel I need to just go on a journey and find who I want to be. I need to find out which aspects of life move me, personally. If I don’t know what I like, what inspires me, then it is impossible to create someone that I can and want to be. The first and most obvious option for me is to continue school. College is all about exploration and knowledge, so that you can decide what you want to do for the rest of your life. There are trips I want to take and cultures I’d like to experience. I have so many places I want to go; I will not be confined to this small town forever.
If I were to just up and leave, go out of my comfort zone, I wonder what would happen. Would it affect my personal journey in any way? Would it prepare me for future examination and study? I’m inclined to think yes. I want to find my place and meet more of the characters that make up this world, my world. I want to find my place and complete my mission as a human; the distinct human that I am. And that which I am making myself into.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Letter to You
"Are you happy?" you ask me
with no warning as to where
you are headed with this
question
I have no reply, except perhaps,
to respond with some lame question
of my own in return and i'm not
up for a rhetorical conversation
This must make you pretty
smug, leaving me speechless
This is a low blow as i
usually enjoy talking to you
and easing my frustrations, but
tonight you have turned them all
back onto me
I want to change the
subject, i want you to forget
all that was said prior to
this point, i want to give
you an honest answer
But i can't - whether from
pride or stupidity, i don't
know
No, i'm not happy, i'm
rarely in a completely jovial
state and all i feel when i
look at myself is
Dissatisfaction
with no warning as to where
you are headed with this
question
I have no reply, except perhaps,
to respond with some lame question
of my own in return and i'm not
up for a rhetorical conversation
This must make you pretty
smug, leaving me speechless
This is a low blow as i
usually enjoy talking to you
and easing my frustrations, but
tonight you have turned them all
back onto me
I want to change the
subject, i want you to forget
all that was said prior to
this point, i want to give
you an honest answer
But i can't - whether from
pride or stupidity, i don't
know
No, i'm not happy, i'm
rarely in a completely jovial
state and all i feel when i
look at myself is
Dissatisfaction
The Odyssey
Life is a journey filled with characters, lasting or extra, where we try to distinguish who we are, where we are, and where we are led by our personal desires and passions.
I feel led one direction and then pulled another and i'm torna million different ways by a million different people. Where do my opinions rank against anyone else's? I guess that's my mess up.
I feel like i need to go on a real journey. Alone. Whether it be going to school or travelling and experiencing other cultures. Or any other new experience to take me out of my comfort zone. I want to up and leave. Meet more of the characters i am to know in my lifetime.
I need to find my place.
I feel led one direction and then pulled another and i'm torna million different ways by a million different people. Where do my opinions rank against anyone else's? I guess that's my mess up.
I feel like i need to go on a real journey. Alone. Whether it be going to school or travelling and experiencing other cultures. Or any other new experience to take me out of my comfort zone. I want to up and leave. Meet more of the characters i am to know in my lifetime.
I need to find my place.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Vicarious Imprisonment
***"We live inside the dreams of others. We might be imprisoned in them."***
Am i good enough for you yet? You want my best, the best for me,
well you've got it. I've never given less. Nor have i received an abhorrent existence. But it never feels like enough.
A lack of acknowledgement unless in gloating and cutting down your
peers. Don't use my passion to praise your parenting style.
I may be your progeny but i'm not you and your dreams are
most certainly not mine. Choose someone else to use. My dreams are
my own invention.
Am i good enough yet?
You won't witness my self-destruction. You can't stop me from
falling apart. Because my tears are on display for no one but God and even
then
I turn away.
You can't keep me from falling apart because you won't
hear about it. You won't witness my self-destruction. Am i
Good enough for you
yet?
Perhaps the better question is this: Am i good
enough for myself yet?
Am i good enough for you yet? You want my best, the best for me,
well you've got it. I've never given less. Nor have i received an abhorrent existence. But it never feels like enough.
A lack of acknowledgement unless in gloating and cutting down your
peers. Don't use my passion to praise your parenting style.
I may be your progeny but i'm not you and your dreams are
most certainly not mine. Choose someone else to use. My dreams are
my own invention.
Am i good enough yet?
You won't witness my self-destruction. You can't stop me from
falling apart. Because my tears are on display for no one but God and even
then
I turn away.
You can't keep me from falling apart because you won't
hear about it. You won't witness my self-destruction. Am i
Good enough for you
yet?
Perhaps the better question is this: Am i good
enough for myself yet?
Largely Inconsequential
i am one who doesn't find
it difficult to realize
that i am of no specific
importance in the grand
scheme of things
in fact, i am largely
inconsequential
it difficult to realize
that i am of no specific
importance in the grand
scheme of things
in fact, i am largely
inconsequential
Friday, July 10, 2009
Where I Come From
from the dark alleys and
side streets where they
practiced their slams - words
bouncing off the concrete
syncopated beats drowning
in the night
from the crumbling
structures towering high
above certainty - whispers
echoing through the stones
breathless and excited they
follow me
from the pit where the
demons lie in waiting - they each
in turn allowed the words to dangle
them head-first above the abyss
let cerberus snap his jaws
at them
from every page turned, every
syllable spoken - i have been
formed and taught - prepared
side streets where they
practiced their slams - words
bouncing off the concrete
syncopated beats drowning
in the night
from the crumbling
structures towering high
above certainty - whispers
echoing through the stones
breathless and excited they
follow me
from the pit where the
demons lie in waiting - they each
in turn allowed the words to dangle
them head-first above the abyss
let cerberus snap his jaws
at them
from every page turned, every
syllable spoken - i have been
formed and taught - prepared
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
The Not-So-Distant Past
As much as I would love to say that I have always been one of those people that are deeply touched by everything they see and can be inspired by everything and anything… It just isn’t true.
Perhaps it was lying dormant for my first 13 or so years, or maybe I was these things, but simply on a subconscious level. I really don’t know. The first time I really recall being truly inspired or compelled to do something was a few years ago, maybe three or four. I don’t know. I had just become so bothered by the things around me, I think. By the inadequacy of my existence and pursuits and by the destructive society I was seeing around me.
So one night, when I couldn't sleep, I just began writing. It wasn’t much – hardly worth mention, really, and I honestly didn’t even know what the heck it was. Until somebody called it “poetry”.
I’m rather ashamed to admit that up until that point, I had hated poetry with every fiber of my being. When I thought about poetry some of the first things to pop into my head were those stupid hallmark cards and the corny nursery rhymes for little kids. Neither one was particularly appealing to me.
After my first few tries with this, though, before I even knew what it was, my interest was sparked. I decided that I liked it. It made sense. I loved that I could write something meaningful to myself; relevant to MY thoughts and MY feelings and MY struggles. Connected to my new pursuit to get more out of life and to do more about life.
Since then I’ve contracted (it almost sounds like a disease) an intense urge to write and it has become my passion. It has become the direction I want to take. And when I’m writing, I don’t feel like I should be doing something else; it feels like the only thing I should be or can be doing. The best part being that I can mold myself from the pieces and sift through myself to find where I should be as a human being.
Perhaps it was lying dormant for my first 13 or so years, or maybe I was these things, but simply on a subconscious level. I really don’t know. The first time I really recall being truly inspired or compelled to do something was a few years ago, maybe three or four. I don’t know. I had just become so bothered by the things around me, I think. By the inadequacy of my existence and pursuits and by the destructive society I was seeing around me.
So one night, when I couldn't sleep, I just began writing. It wasn’t much – hardly worth mention, really, and I honestly didn’t even know what the heck it was. Until somebody called it “poetry”.
I’m rather ashamed to admit that up until that point, I had hated poetry with every fiber of my being. When I thought about poetry some of the first things to pop into my head were those stupid hallmark cards and the corny nursery rhymes for little kids. Neither one was particularly appealing to me.
After my first few tries with this, though, before I even knew what it was, my interest was sparked. I decided that I liked it. It made sense. I loved that I could write something meaningful to myself; relevant to MY thoughts and MY feelings and MY struggles. Connected to my new pursuit to get more out of life and to do more about life.
Since then I’ve contracted (it almost sounds like a disease) an intense urge to write and it has become my passion. It has become the direction I want to take. And when I’m writing, I don’t feel like I should be doing something else; it feels like the only thing I should be or can be doing. The best part being that I can mold myself from the pieces and sift through myself to find where I should be as a human being.
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